Think. Think. Think.

That's all I can do right now.

Think.
Think.
Think.

About IVF protocol.

About medications.

About injections.

About calendar dates.

About success rates.

About harvesting.

About fertilizing.

About transferring.

About...About...About...

It's deja vu.

No, it's not deja vu. I haven't dreamed this dream before.

I've lived this life before.

So, for the next month the only thing that really can keep me sane is how I...

Think.
Think.
Think.

Reality

I love going on vacations...once I'm there.

I hate the packing. The stressing over flying with a baby. The sheer exhaustion from 15 hours of travel. But, I love to see family.

And...I will admit...

I love leaving my reality...vacuuming, dishes, cleaning bathrooms, laundry, laundry, and more laundry, entertaining an 18 month old, cooking, dishes, cooking, dishes, cooking...

I don't mind cleaning up after myself while visiting. I don't mind doing a couple of loads of laundry. I don't mind helping get a meal together.

But...I love not being responsible for every meal of every day. Not having to do all the dishes of every meal every day. Not doing loads and loads of laundry. Not having to clean up the "icky" stuff in the bathrooms. Not having to entertain an 18 month old, b/c cousins and grandma's and grandpa's love to do it.

I love visiting.

But, I start to get tired of living out of a suitcase.

And I really start to miss my really comfortable bed, and our own little routine.

But most of all...I miss my best friend. I miss his hugs and kisses. I miss just snuggling up to him on the couch or in bed. I miss being able to have conversation without a phone stuck to my ear.

So...while I'm not real excited to come back to my reality...

I'm really glad to be back in my own little home, with my very best friend...and the sweetest 18 month old to entertain.